Barbie Was Born in a Barn
LYRICS: Barbie Was Born in a Barn Parody by Bale Harrison & The Texas Field Hands Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger Barbie Was Born in a Barn -- She wasn’t raised in Malibu, no shiny pink Corvette... DOWNLOAD
Tumbleweed
Lyrics: Tumbleweed Performed by Debbie “Hayride” Harper & The Prairie Songbirds Tumbleweed - DOWNLOAD (Verse 1) You blow in like the wind, never stayin’ long, Your restless heart's been wanderin' since the day you were born. No roots to hold you
The Aggie Fight Song
The Aggie Fight Song Performed by Debbie “Hayride” Harper & The Prairie Songbirds The Aggie Bar Fight Song: Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger FREE DOWNLOAD - Aggie Bar Fight Song .mp3 Verse 1: I walked into a bar, a
Washington Promises Smoother Farm Crisis This Time
Officials Say Foreclosures Will Be Faster, Paperwork Lighter DES MOINES, Iowa (Farm.FM) — Washington has reassured American farmers that another 1980s-style agricultural financial crisis will be handled more efficiently, with improved foreclosure technology, electronic bankruptcy applications
Robots Apply for USDA Subsidies as Nobody Buys Beef
America's Last Farm Mechanic Charges $900 to Open the Hood WICHITA FALLS, Texas — Silicon Valley has finally perfected the American agricultural economy by removing its most persistent source of inefficiency: the farmer. The new system, called
Taiwan Eyes American Corn for Ethanol
Midwest farmers finally find somebody who appreciates them DES MOINES, Iowa (Farm.FM) — Taiwanese buyers are examining American corn for ethanol production, delivering the biggest international compliment the Midwest has received since somebody overseas discovered that
Sacramento Wants Its Cut of Red Diesel
Farmers Learn the Difference Is a Tax Collector FRESNO, California (Farm.FM) — California farmers have discovered a remarkable scientific phenomenon: diesel fuel that's perfectly acceptable for running a million-dollar combine becomes a matter of government concern
Eight More Companies Label Meat American
USDA declares geography a major breakthrough WASHINGTON, D.C. (Farm.FM) — The U.S. Department of Agriculture has announced that eight more companies will take part in its voluntary Product of USA meat-labeling initiative, a big step toward
Congress Honors Farmers, Skips the Money
Hearing Ends With Praise and a Photo of a Barn WASHINGTON, D.C. (Farm.FM) — Congress has expressed profound disappointment after learning that American farmers are unable to buy fertilizer with patriotic speeches, repair tractors using congressional
Sheep Farmers Demand Probe of Lamb Imports
Australians have been eating their lunch for 25 years WASHINGTON, D.C. (Farm.FM) — American sheep producers are demanding a federal investigation after discovering that Australian and New Zealand lamb has been quietly taking over the domestic
Dairy Farm Milk Quality Report Gives Cows Five Stars and the Farmer’s Bank Account One
Five Stars for the Milk, Fewer for the Bank Account LANCASTER, Pa. (Farm.FM) — A dairy farm milk quality report has awarded the herd five stars for cleanliness, careful milking procedures and an excellent somatic cell
Spinach Treatment Targets Citrus Greening
Florida orange growers hope for Popeye muscles COLLEGE STATION, Texas (Farm.FM) — Scientists at Texas A&M have developed a treatment using spinach-derived compounds to help protect orange trees from citrus greening disease, finally giving science an
Farmers Demand Right to Be Apolitical, Too Busy Feeding Both Parties
Corn Doesn't Vote, and Cows Don't Care About Congress WICHITA FALLS, Texas — American farmers have launched an unexpected rebellion against the nation's political establishment, demanding the right to get through an entire workday without somebody
Farm Banks Make More Loans, Smaller Ones
Nobody can afford a tire CHAMPAIGN, Illinois (Farm.FM) — American agricultural banks are making more farm loans while lending much less money per loan, introducing a financing arrangement under which farmers can borrow more often without
$259 Million in Pumpkins Headed for Landfill
Goats offer a cheaper disposal plan PHOENIX, Arizona (Farm.FM) — American consumers have wrapped up another Halloween season by buying enormous quantities of pumpkins, carving frightening expressions into them and discovering that the agricultural industry already
Cornell Tomatoes Can Sense Shortages
Scientists still can't detect why farmers go broke WICHITA FALLS, Texas (Farm.FM) — Scientists have finally created a living sensor that identifies a shortage before it becomes a catastrophe. Unfortunately, they installed it in a tomato
Hay Bale Fail
Hay Bale Fail By Bale Harrison & The Field Hands FREE DOWNLOAD THE HAY FARMER'S HIT SONG -- Hay Bale Fail.MP3 We stacked the hay, way up high Thought our love was built to fly But those bales started swaying,
Deere Brings Back Workers, Farmers Want Affordable Tractors
Waterloo Recalls 275 as Farmers Question Equipment Prices WATERLOO, Iowa — American farmers celebrated John Deere's announcement that more than 275 employees will return to its Waterloo operations and more than 400 additional workers will be
Farmers Admit Marriage Regrets, Can’t Afford Divorce
Couples Face Falling Profits and a Divided John Deere Collection WICHITA FALLS, Texas (Farm.FM) — Married farmers across America are confessing the exact moment they realised they'd married the wrong woman, although most have decided to
Iowa Candidates Oppose Pipeline Land Grabs
Both parties discover farmers own their land DES MOINES, Iowa (Farm.FM) — Iowa's two major gubernatorial candidates have announced their opposition to using eminent domain for carbon pipeline projects, stunning rural voters who had assumed owning
Dairy Farm Methane Emissions Under Investigation; Cows Asked to Hold Their Burps
Six Hundred Cows Asked to Hold Their Breath FRESNO, Calif. (Farm.FM) — A dairy farm methane emissions investigation has placed 600 cows under questioning after an environmental consultant suggested they reduce greenhouse gases by holding their
Farm to Table Restaurant Charges $38 for a Carrot; Farmer Gets Eleven Cents
The Diner Pays $38; the Grower Gets Pocket Change AUSTIN, Texas (Farm.FM) — A farm to table restaurant has unveiled a $38 carrot appetizer featuring one roasted carrot, three drops of reduced something, and a 600-word
Farm Economy Returns to 1985; Nashville Declares Boom Times
Songwriters celebrate the best supply of depressing material in forty years. NASHVILLE, Tennessee — America's worsening agricultural finances have produced an unexpected economic winner: country music. While farmers worry about commodity prices, operating loans and the possibility
Corporate Farmers Love Socialism When Washington Writes the Check
Agribusiness Condemns Handouts, Then Collects Billions in Farm Subsidies WASHINGTON, D.C. (Farm.FM) — American agribusiness has achieved a political breakthrough: it now supports rugged individualism, provided the individual is carrying a government check. At the National Conference
Congress Finds the One Crop That Never Fails: Corporate Welfare
Subsidy Machine Posts Record Harvest of Taxpayer Dollars as Family Farms Disappear WASHINGTON, D.C. (Farm.FM) — Agricultural researchers have identified a remarkable new crop that survives drought, floods, blight, tariffs, inflation and even congressional incompetence. It's called
Silage Juice and Single
Silage Juice and Single 'Til Further Notice Performed by Bale Harrison & The Texas Field Hands The End of the End of the Farm – Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger DOWNLOAD Verse 1: Well, I was workin’ hard down by
Farm Ownership Loans Now Require Three Generations of Co-Signers and a Rich Uncle
The Bank Wants Three Generations of Co-Signers SALINA, Kansas (Farm.FM) — A bank reviewing farm ownership loans has reportedly introduced a new requirement: applicants must provide three generations of co-signers, a wealthy uncle, and a signed
Fed Finds Farmers Borrow Money to Lose Money
Banker approves another operating loan after farmer turns $500,000 into $470,000. KANSAS CITY, Missouri — American farmers have developed a remarkable financial strategy: borrow half a million dollars, spend eleven months working harder than everybody else,
Congress Investigates Farm Crisis, Finds Farming Costs Money
Committee asks why agriculture needs diesel when Washington makes bullshit for free. WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congress has launched an investigation into America's worsening farm finances after discovering that farmers have been spending enormous amounts of money
Farmers Are Land Rich, Cash Poor and Screwed in Between
Bank values the farm at $4 million, won't fund a $400 tire. AMES, Iowa — A Midwestern farmer has been informed that he is worth $4 million, news delivered moments before his debit card was declined
Fertilizer Prices Climb, Farmers Ask Cows to Work Overtime
Dairy herd demands overtime pay, better hay and a union. MADISON, Wisconsin — Fertilizer has become so expensive that Midwestern farmers are looking at their cattle with the hopeful expressions normally reserved for lottery tickets. The